Side Effects

I read somewhere that there's a difference between tears of joy and tears of rage. Is that true? It's in the chemistry, but you can't tell by looking, they all just look like tears.

Standing Up For You & Other Feminist Things

Just like that I turned a film critique studying schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, and gender-identification into a paper on feminism and the 'male gaze' and other shitty manipulative patriarchy rule...

Okay.

I need a job so badly.
Just buying pressed juice....and food is making me go broke.
:\

It's hard trying to super-human it all
you know?

Tryna two time this

1) successful student with a perfect....
internship, list of grades, student-teacher relationship, gym-attending record, networking pool, student-counselor relationship, campus involvement record, time management skills, record of using school resources...thing
2) inspirational, artistically diverse, and talented person with...
time to shoot  draft and market my stuff, perfect and unique outfit coordination, time to experiment with film more and digital format editing, time to trend scout and forecast, pursue my passions, time to find amazing tunes, practice music, study areas that I have passion in and for, go back to competitive swimming, get back into dancing..thing

But I just end up extremely over-worked, tired, unhealthy and unaccomplished.

DEADLINES

I AM SO BEHIND WITH RESUME WRITING, DEADLINES, PODCASTS, READING ASSIGNMENTS, HOMEWORK, PAPERS, WORKING OUT, BLOGGING, MARKETING IDEAS, AND STUDYING.
WHAT IS GOING ON.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME AND AT THE SAME TIME NOTHING IS GETTING DONE.

UGH I AM SO FRUSTRATING WITH MY SITUATION RIGHT NOW.
AND HOW DO I HAVE 550 PHOTOS ON MY INSTAGRAM ALREADY. #socialmediatidinessfreak

I'm also really frustrated about my pink earphones being broken on one side, which means I have to bring my white ones. So much for a backup pair.

On the bright side- I downloaded a few management apps that I really like. Something that made me slap myself back awake and to reality is that one of the apps provide the background info on the developer of the certain program I 'commit to' and their info was that they are "a entrepreneur / software engineer / Standford graduate /  olympic weightlifter / marathon-er" and.....that just made me realize how minor my problems are compared to what they've accomplished already. If they can do that, I should be able to prioritize efficiently and do what I need to do. Also, I've been happy with the traffic coming into Style Prosciutto despite how slow posting has been. UGHHSDLFKJDS:KFJSDLFds okay. back to work.

Home is where your heart is set in stone

mood: nostalgic

Gabrielle darling, you bring me back to 10th grade,
...being in humanities with foreign yet intimate faces, and being in classes with my bestie, sketching dreams out and talking about living in LA, taking photos of each other like we were all that, myspace, trains, buzznet and hannabeth and audrey kitching, gloomy bear, and lots of UK/brighton influenced fashion, having fringes, and wearing tights and leather moto jackets...ahh and remember kaylee? yeah I wonder where she is now, we used to chat via msn, I'd wake up early because of the time difference on the other side of the world, and I'd write "becos" and "mum" and other silly british accents because I thought I could escape reality like that...
but resurfacing your music, is good, because I guess it brings me peace and serenity.
A part of me wants to go back and be the beautiful yet slightly deranged person i was before the real world got a hold of me and made me work only to survive.
Gabrielle bring me back to when I believed that I could live in dreams and pass my days as an artist, musician, dancer, wanderlust-ee, and a culture connoisseur.

Back to when I lived in dreams and self-faith, disregarding what anyone thought of me.
Ha oh I wish I had the same mentality.

Paranoid

paranoid so I use the red pens from Target
paranoid so I have the adorable fresh&easy rubber key tag on my keys
paranoid so I keep my JCrew clothes extra neat
paranoid so I ... so I ... try not to fight with anyone.

I was always trying

-i

Keeping Up

now playing: Black Swan (film)

Went to exercise today, and got dinner early and showered.
Time to watch Black Swan and do the first draft of my paper.

Got in contact with a few recruiters, hopefully I get good outcome.
I still need to submit my main app though. Ugh, but I'm so behind with school work, so I guess that comes first.

So jealous of everyone at Coachella this past weekend, and I guess I will be again next for weekend 2.
Oh well, what can I do.

-i

Talking to you like this.

It's so nostalgic, you know?

Stop

My dad won't stop harassing me about stuff.
Don't ask me about it.

& Counting

now playing: ungirthed | purity ring
current mood: panicking over unfinished english reading

3 tumblrs (one private)
4 blogspots (public)
1 public Facebook
1 twitter
1 private Facebook
4 emails
2 instagrams
1 vine

grand total: 17 social media sites (off the top of my head, not sure if i missed anything)
x____x

Time Flies

now playing: Time to Pretend | MGMT
mood: sad
Okay, maybe 6 days late, but I just wanted everyone to enjoy my calendar as much as I do.

The color hue difference is due to the face that, I took March midday, and April early in the AM's.
Sorry.

xo i.

"...'preferred reading,' which would simply take the program at face value, accepting its representation of family life as normative and natural. The oppositional reading, on the other hand, proposes an interpretation that resists the normative view, seeking to uncover a political subtext. The fact that so many cultural signifiers appear normative and natural, as transparent images of an apolitical social reality, can make oppositional reading look 'unnatural,' or like 'reading into' your topic a meaning that isn’t there. After all, isn’t a sitcom simply a trivial entertainment that distracts viewers from the concerns of everyday life? But from a semiotic perspective, everything in everyday life is potentially meaningful, a sign to be decoded, and the fact that something is entertaining is only the beginning of the matter. The next question is, 'Why is it entertaining and what does that say about
those who are entertained by it?'"(Masick and Soloman 12)
-Signs of Life in the USA

Everything Is True To Me

now playing: Everything Is Embarrassing | Sky Ferreira

I just realized I didn't do my ritual start-of-the-quarter/semester class overview for this spring quarter. (So here it is...)
I'm taking 4 classes this quarter. I was thinking of dropping one, but the ones I was debating over to drop turned out to be totally too interesting to just let go!

Quantum chemistry: so far we are learning theories and conceptual topics. The vector calc has not kicked in...so that probably explains why. This 8am class makes me extremely yawn-y and sleepy when I don't get enough sleep the night before though. (I mean no sh*t hahah)
Applied Composition for Sci/Eng Majors: So I thought we would be doing a lot of medical or scientific research in this class and then writing research reports on our findings, except it turned out nothing like what I thought! So my professor loves Sci-Fi and Zombies, plus he was extremely considerate and emailed everyone in the class beforehand and asked about our majors and future professions we were considering, and with that he structured every week around a topic pertaining to a science or engineering major, and some articles and videos (south park, breaking bad, etc) as our homework. I thought it'd be a lot of work, but the books we are reading sound pretty interesting. Plus we get to learn about a different poison every class. Totally rad. (Week 3 is chemistry week, and one of our assignments is going onto twitter and observing how #chemistry is used online) B)
Ordinary Differential Equations: Takes place in the same classroom as my qchem class, but there's so many people that it is really stuffy and irritating, plus the board is so hard to see (mind you I was in first row but just on the side). The class seems really boring too, I wasn't a whiz at vector calc but at least that was interesting, this class....I don't know. I am just staying because I like my TA a lot, she seems super helpful.
Popular Musics of the World: So this class was a surprise to me. Our lectures take place in a(n) band/orchestra rehearsal room, (so there's just seats in an arched formation and stands in stand racks, plus an acoustically-favored designed room and walls). Initially I thought this class would be like a music history class on how music shaped the world...not that I was completely wrong, but it wasn't as boring as I imagined it to be. Imagine "'sociology' of music and culture's impact on society" + "how different classes view the music culture/industry to be" = a good debate and discussion class. Except most people in my class are either too lazy to care, too lazy to participate, aren't really cultured so they don't have much to contribute, or they don't really want to be in this class but just have to be so they just sit there....which makes it really annoying because it ends up being this debate between the professor, this super radical girl who has a lot of personal left wing opinions, and me...while the whole class listens to us like a talk show. I mean I don't know. But I like it. It is actually pretty interesting, and I would say it is like a class where we talk about how music unconsciously imperializes the mass and how corporate establishments and government are the control. etc etc etc.

Anyways. With more time to do things (surprisingly), I hope I can manage my time more efficiently this quarter. Better said than done, so I shouldn't be here.
Ciao.
-i

SAFE? And Maybe Sound

mood: pumped (in a neutral way)
listening to: Beth/Rest (Rare Book Room) | Bon Iver

I AM SO HYPER RIGHT NOW. AND I CAN'T WAIT OR CONTAIN MYSELF. WHY MUST EVERYONE IMPORTANT BE LIVING IN THE NORTHEAST OR MIDWEST. UGH.

Next week though. Next week. Just the though of it scares, excites, and tires me all at once.

-i