29 July 2013


now playing: little bit | lykke li
mood: tired
Went to my bestie's house yesterday for a hang out.
Before that I went over to B's mother's house to celebrate his birthday with them. T made us steak and potatoes and B's mother prepared a nice spring salad. There was so much food, I ended up so full. We did small present opening and sang the birthday song and cut a peach caramel custard pie, (since B requested no cake). hehehe what a witty mother...

We headed over to C's house after that.
A, A', & C had brunch already, since we were supposed to sleep over so we could partake in that but we didn't, so we missed out on that. No big deal though. Initially we wanted to swim, but when we got there, our moods changed so that also changed. We hung out and chatted until 6pm. The guys then wanted to start making pizza so while A and B did that, C prepped the salad and pizza toppings and A' cut watermelon. I tended the bacon and kbbq. Dinner was lovely as we sat and talked about future education plans and politics. Our conversation ventured onto studying abroad. We teamed up to do dishes after, and since we were a productive team, we ended the night watching a 'horror' movie: Cabin in The Woods.
Before we all parted, we cut cake (again) for B, but this time at C's house. B and I had picked out black forest cake from JJ Bakery the day before, so we enjoyed that.

I left that night having made plans with C about going abroad 2014, which is excitingly coming into plan because earlier tonight, my parents sounded like they were okay with me going abroad. (Cindy if you're reading this you're more than welcome to join if you wish!!). And I also learned that Bose's noise canceling headphones are the most awesome thing ever (if you enjoy serenity, peacefulness, and solitude while listening to music) but that it is also extremely expensive, so I won't be getting that anytime soon. C also gifted me another Voluspa candle in Santiago Huckleberry (thanks!♥)
Everything is going in plan. The only thing I'm scared of is my economics final that is coming this Thursday, but I think I should be able to do alright on it if I study enough...
Work is also coming to an end, and then I go back to school for chemistry classes. I just hope everything runs smoothly there and that I get time after to relax.


13 July 2013

paree je'taime

i'm listening to la vie en rose, and instantly all my dark blue night time shadow thoughts are wiped away, and instead the beautiful eiffel stands in the distance sparking and the streets are laid out with cobble stones, and everything in that minute seems too romantic to be consuming. a nice waiter leads me to a plastic weave-patterned chair at a cafe, the table is outside and he brings me a nice plate of pasta.

inconsistent. unreliable. this is exhausting.
you talk to me in the most sincere form,
consult me like i matter the most.

yet you turn around when i'm not looking and say there's someone else.
i think i've been so occupied with myself- vanity
that i haven't ever noticed that.

so tell me, have you lied to me this entire time? because i feel cheated.


call me nostalgic, foolish, stupid, careless, ignorant, delusional.
through all these words thrown at me, after going back in time,
i realized how delusional i've been

yet i still feel so guilty i want to cry.

07 July 2013


do you love me?
because i do.
i love you forever and ever.

01 July 2013


Unstable and indecisive, again.
Allowing other people eat me away while I stare quietly.

When am I able to take control of my life.
I think hard about what I've done and what I've done wrong.
All the things I haven't accomplished, rolls down my face as dying vitality.

How many more steps until I can become the person I need to be.
How much more failures can I swallow until they accept me.