29 May 2015

7. Friday

Since I'm here and it's already Friday...

My day tomorrow:
Mijn dag van morgen:
Ma journée de demain:
8.00 Wake up
8.30 Off to growth meeting
9.00 Cue first growth
11.30 GSOE luncheon meeting event for STEM teaching plans
13.00 Start second growth & work
17.00 Raman
After that: Home!

28 May 2015

8. Thursday

Today was pretty good:
-Woke up earlier than I try to schedule myself to.
-There was absolutely nobody in line at Coffee Bean, so I was able to get my London Fog asap.
-This meant going to work/lab earlier than scheduled...resulting in starting early and giving myself ample time to work on my report that was due. Then I actually finished the report an hour before it was due (yes "very late", but way better than all the times that I'm still trying to finish it up as the class is starting five buildings down).
-I got to ask the teaching assistants all the questions I had in the time we were waiting for our reactions to heat up.
-Got to input all the data and analyzation data that I've been behind on
-Lab and work ended at 430 pm, meaning I got to eat dinner at 445 pm
-Went to the AWIS social event with A and V, (post on BL blog), and had a really nice time customizing my own mug.

And now it's past 12 and I'm still awake, but I blame myself for giving myself way too much time because I was essentially done with everything before 10. But I have a powerpoint to make for tomorrow's presentation so I'm working on that right now.

Tomorrow's Friday!! Hopefully the sashes come in soon so we can have our photoshoot.
bonne nuit!

♥ i

27 May 2015

Constant Headache

Your love was foreign to me.
It made me think maybe
Human's not such a bad thing to be.

But I just laid there in protest
Entirely fucked.
It's such a stubborn reminder
One perfect night's not enough.

It's just a constant headache
A tooth out of line.
They try to make you regret it
You tell them, “No, not this time”

I'm just a constant headache.
A dead pet device.
You hang me up, unfinished
With the better part of me no longer mine.
fucking love this song.

9. Wednesdays

I'm in love with film, cities, dreams, astrological signs, leather bags, romance, novels, academia, ballet, and designs.

It's too late and a tad early.
I am so tired yet there's too much work to do.
I'm giving in to things too easily, letting whatever take the best of me.
Wake up, there's only 8 more academic and 2 final exam dates left until the end of this.

1 day until outreach/meet and greet craft event
2 days until meeting with GSOE/BCOE Teach. Ed. Luncheon
9 days until the last undergrad chem report due
9 days until the end of undergraduate classes
13 days until final #1
15 days until final #2
17 days until graduation
19 days until my internship starts!

20 May 2015

Reasons why I should keep my chin up and not be so down..
1) things aren't so bad..yet
2) I have plans and support (so far still) for post-graduation/grad school bound
3) a paying internship
4) being relocated and having amazing roommates now
5) events lined up for me till the end of the quarter
6) guardian angel friends around to catch me and watch out for me when I fall
7) going to be living in a nice complex next year if all goes as planned
8) Stockholm/Copenhagen 2015 is real (!!)
9) didn't have to shell out 1k for a new phone (thanks!!)
10) people who see beyond her/their lies and support/back me up (thank you!!)
11) an amazing friend/lab partner who understands my workload and tries to help me out with it by doing so much of the work and unintentionally making me feel guilty for it..
12) -materialistic blessings..-

15 May 2015

I want to believe everyone and everything.
But that's why I get hurt so easily.


I have so many things, feelings, and emotions I want to confess to. But I don't know how or who to tell.

Life goes on.

07 May 2015

I ruin everything for myself.

I ruin friendships.
I ruin family relationships.
I ruin my grades and school.
I sabotaged us.
And now I'm still sabotaging "us".

Fuck fuck fuck.
I'm sorry? I would take it all back if I could? But you're totally different now, and it's all because of me, I'm so sorry.

03 May 2015

Caring Is Creepy

now playing: no shade in the shadow of the cross | sufjan stevens
mood: tired

I was going to complain.
But then I realized that it wouldn't solve any of my problems.

It's hard trying to keep up with everyone's demands/requests when you set high standards for yourself and people expect higher because you set the bar high already.

Getting there is like learning a new song on the piano/viola/marimba, trying to perfect a technique in dance, or trying to get perfect catches in guard even though your hands have lost all nerve-related-feeling for the week. When you've perfected everything, people, from the outside, see you as this beautiful thing and envy you. But when you're still on the road, it's blood, sweat, and tears. Everything hurts and frustrates you. The road is long, tiring, and lonely. But once I'm there I know looking back will be bitter-sweet and the end is rewarding.

I just want to go home, go to the beach, lay in the warm sand, smell the salty scent of seawater, listen to the waves crash, and temporarily forget everything :'- (