04 July 2015

June-ly / [JOON-lie]

listening to: grimesz | go
mood: exhausted
Totally did not update respectively towards the days counting down to graduation.
Maybe I'll do a quick update later? Perhaps not. Depending on the time I have.

I've just finished week 3 of summer internship and researching, heading into week 4.
So far this is what things have been looking like:
`Days start at 6 or 8 depending on the schedule/day.
`Tutoring classes with the internship group every other day at 830a, and on off days raman time starts at 630a (tentative).
`The rest of the day consists of normal growth, workshops (!! ♥), and moving the lab.
`Going home at (anywhere between) 10p-12a.

Things that make me anxious/worried/nervous:
`my diet and fitness plans thanks to the hectic schedule (see 10 pm dinners, and not eating but always eating)
`not having enough time to study for the quizzes and materials I should be studying for, for the classes we're put in
`not having enough time to read papers/journals for our journal club → aka shitty presentations
`not having enough time to just de-stress → not having sanity of any sort... → mental breakdowns eventually ??
`not sleeping enough (going back to first point of this block)
`spending money like crazy on the weekends as a form of de-stressing (see retail therapy/my confessions of a shopaholic)
`a HUGE misunderstanding of me, behind my back, that is totally not true but has now spread to rumors..but who has time or immaturity for this shit?...which reminds me- FUCK YOU BITCH.

Things I've done that are in the more positive light:
`build better relations with certain people in the group
`moved out of my place and into another apartment complex with T~
`making memories day by day
`bond with the REU students
`finding new exciting things from my growth
`getting trained on/learning how to use the AFM
`getting a gym membership to try to force myself into a routine
`finished my bio/abstract/travel info for the convention in sept. (this took like 3 weeks to complete but i'm so happy i'm done)
`cleaning up my room (slowly) and hoping to get my new bed frame and dresser soon

I could keep making lists/ more lists/ different lists...but I'm not going to do that because once I start with my list-o-phile habit I'm going to go totally off topic and such.
We're currently in a long weekend which means more time to do things. So hopefully with two days left, I can accomplish more!!! I feel like I'm on this crazy grind but at the same time not really doing anything...if that makes sense? But I think you'd need to be in my shoes to understand.
Sorry for this slightly unstructured ramble. I just needed to get an update out.

xo i

08 June 2015

In about 7 hours, we're looking at:
1. group meeting & powerpoint presentation
2. report writing
3. office hours
4. final exam studying
5. sample mapping.
...on tomorrow's agenda.

Hello finals week.
Four days until graduation.
///not very happy about you copying the shit off my resume-profile...but I mean whatever I guess.

29 May 2015

7. Friday

Since I'm here and it's already Friday...

My day tomorrow:
Mijn dag van morgen:
Ma journée de demain:
8.00 Wake up
8.30 Off to growth meeting
9.00 Cue first growth
11.30 GSOE luncheon meeting event for STEM teaching plans
13.00 Start second growth & work
17.00 Raman
After that: Home!

28 May 2015

8. Thursday

Today was pretty good:
-Woke up earlier than I try to schedule myself to.
-There was absolutely nobody in line at Coffee Bean, so I was able to get my London Fog asap.
-This meant going to work/lab earlier than scheduled...resulting in starting early and giving myself ample time to work on my report that was due. Then I actually finished the report an hour before it was due (yes "very late", but way better than all the times that I'm still trying to finish it up as the class is starting five buildings down).
-I got to ask the teaching assistants all the questions I had in the time we were waiting for our reactions to heat up.
-Got to input all the data and analyzation data that I've been behind on
-Lab and work ended at 430 pm, meaning I got to eat dinner at 445 pm
-Went to the AWIS social event with A and V, (post on BL blog), and had a really nice time customizing my own mug.

And now it's past 12 and I'm still awake, but I blame myself for giving myself way too much time because I was essentially done with everything before 10. But I have a powerpoint to make for tomorrow's presentation so I'm working on that right now.

Tomorrow's Friday!! Hopefully the sashes come in soon so we can have our photoshoot.
bonne nuit!

♥ i

27 May 2015

Constant Headache

Your love was foreign to me.
It made me think maybe
Human's not such a bad thing to be.

But I just laid there in protest
Entirely fucked.
It's such a stubborn reminder
One perfect night's not enough.

It's just a constant headache
A tooth out of line.
They try to make you regret it
You tell them, “No, not this time”

I'm just a constant headache.
A dead pet device.
You hang me up, unfinished
With the better part of me no longer mine.
fucking love this song.

9. Wednesdays

I'm in love with film, cities, dreams, astrological signs, leather bags, romance, novels, academia, ballet, and designs.

It's too late and a tad early.
I am so tired yet there's too much work to do.
I'm giving in to things too easily, letting whatever take the best of me.
Wake up, there's only 8 more academic and 2 final exam dates left until the end of this.

1 day until outreach/meet and greet craft event
2 days until meeting with GSOE/BCOE Teach. Ed. Luncheon
9 days until the last undergrad chem report due
9 days until the end of undergraduate classes
13 days until final #1
15 days until final #2
17 days until graduation
19 days until my internship starts!

20 May 2015

Reasons why I should keep my chin up and not be so down..
1) things aren't so bad..yet
2) I have plans and support (so far still) for post-graduation/grad school bound
3) a paying internship
4) being relocated and having amazing roommates now
5) events lined up for me till the end of the quarter
6) guardian angel friends around to catch me and watch out for me when I fall
7) going to be living in a nice complex next year if all goes as planned
8) Stockholm/Copenhagen 2015 is real (!!)
9) didn't have to shell out 1k for a new phone (thanks!!)
10) people who see beyond her/their lies and support/back me up (thank you!!)
11) an amazing friend/lab partner who understands my workload and tries to help me out with it by doing so much of the work and unintentionally making me feel guilty for it..
12) -materialistic blessings..-

15 May 2015

I want to believe everyone and everything.
But that's why I get hurt so easily.