22 June 2009

some are nameless

i am

i want
a million wishes.

i have
so much to give and learn; but i don`t know it yet.
been procrastinating since grade 7

i wish
for goodness.
and a good sense of direction.

i hate
people who act stupid on purpose.
annoying, clingy people.
hypocrites; yet, i`m one, so i must hate myself.

i fear
losing things.

i hear
cocorosie singing werewolf.
one of my favorite songs.

i search
for fulfillment.

i wonder
about a lot of things.

i regret
the past,
but try not to.

i love

i ache
when i start to miss people, places, things.

i always
breathe, blink, beat.
end up in a tangle of thoughts

i usually

i am not
a patient person.

i dance
in class
to feel
to show.

i sing
to myself in my soul.
to soothe myself

i never
know what is the best.

i rarely
do the right thing.

i cry
too much

i am not
happy around people who make me frustrated.
happy around people who make me want to yell out of anger.

i lose
when it comes to memorizing.
when you defeat me with your gaze.

i'm confused
about life.
about people.
and especially history.

i need
some time.

i should
stop procrastinating.

i am
me, myself, and i.

19 June 2009


Yesterday was the last day of school. It did not feel like the last day of school. Everything seemed to whisk by so fast. I don't remember anything but Band Camp in August, then school started and there were the football games and tiresome practices every night that lasted until 9pm or later. My classes and teachers were mediocre and fine, not interesting or pessimistic enough to be pondering on. Everything seemed to fly by as I just stand and observe. The only thing I actually paid attention to, and stuck in my memory, was guard. I remember that Sara came, and she was new, then a lot of people seemed to be complaining about her, then soon we had an incredible bond, and then Winterguard came, we placed top 3 quite many times. Then one day; she just left. And that was it. Then the team was dull, boring...unfocused.

I became slightly ill and I couldn't go to the bonfire. I didn't want to go at first, but when I finally wanted to go, I became ill. wonderful.

I'm immature and indecisive.
September i was skeptical. October i wanted to cry. there was a two week period when i felt
fine. it's June and I'm forcing myself not to cave in.

potential: n. the inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being.

don't know if i have the potential to move forward.
fickle, my mind changes as much as i change the color of my nails.
retarded and immobile. without creativity.
i wish i was brilliant.
i would be able to conjure brilliant objects out of my brilliant head
and turn my brilliant ideas into brilliant pieces of art.
but because i.'m not brilliant, i'm stuck with being mediocre.

what..s my potential potential?