Overwhelmed

I have been absolutely overwhelmed with work and life, in general. Lots of deadlines and quite a number of new things popping up at work to learn and figure out. I have been not doing well with the control part and I haven't used headspace this week yet. I think it is still better to write what I need to get done out somewhere so that I can let go of the disposable to-do lists and clear my head so I have space to think clearly about the work being done at the moment. Here it goes...

This week-

-finish tool fingerprint audit (Wed/Fri)
-Headspace released singles for free (!! good bye world)
-weekend plans (lavender/berry farm, picnic, cider fest?)
-make some progress on infinity package, follow up on subfab access
-filter prime (thursday)
-networking bowling (thursday)
-filter change (friday morning)
-incredibles2 tickets (friday)
-networking lunch (friday)
-weekly summary (friday before leaving work)
-possible contractor time for down line (Friday afternoon)
-plane tickets for wedding
-nyc plane tickets if they're still <$300
-airbnb by silver falls
-sofa and area rug stuff

!! Feeling overwhelmed.

Grown Up Stuff

I realize I am doing adult (read: grown up) activities now such as:

-wanting subscriptions to travel and cooking magazines
-having a lot of interest in picking out flooring/wall swatches
-booking in time slots for lunch and dinner socials (like a responsible person instead of impulsively making plans, there are pros and cons to this)
-listening to podcasts
-meditation apps
-frequency of online browsing for furniture > clothing
-not necessarily investing, but doing a lot of personal finance management
-CNBC articles are an interesting morning read
-LinkedIn is a fun social media site
-FB is becoming too wild and a bore
-trading business cards
-thinking about property value and home investments
-when "home furnishings" and "groceries" exceed "retail/shopping" in my weekly financial summary
-having interest in buying tech for home such as EcoBee sensors for the rooms, or debating between an Alexa and Google Home (thoughts anyone?)
-grocery shopping is so fun/writing down a lot of recipes
-wanting to start a lifestyle/cooking blog (yeah, again? I know, eyeroll)

I feel like some of these are good for personal growth, maturing, and development, and the others just like to y i k e s because I feel so old and too responsible it's a bit scary. I can't tell if I'm becoming financially responsible or boring.

Reads

More articles I find fascinating or just great as an F Y I...
-How inequality is linked to mental illness
-Eating too much fruits
-Health of today's millennials
-Top CEOs, employee choice
-Fighting for quality, How Google Hires

Been focused on personal/career development lately...I have been able to secure some network/people to make connections with regarding moving forward in my career but I am unsure of how to proceed or communicate. I also feel that with the people I've already secured communication with, I have done it wrong thus offending them and perhaps burning that bridge already. Gah.

Something HBR wrote that I found quite helpful was: "...the difference as working to pull people into your network rather than pushing your way into theirs. '...teach our people how to draw people to their ideas and create energy in interactions from day one...embrace the approach, you’re much more likely to connect well' "🤔

Reading about venture capitals and angel investors today... etc etc. I have absolutely zero knowledge in these [finance/business/start up] areas/fields but they have captivated my interest...

SG's article on stories, selling, and demand. A little how-to-acquire VC Support/Integration

Keratin Lifts

I've been doing some research on lash lifts since I saw a little article about them on social media. It seems like a better option than lash extensions (was contemplating on them for a while) because of their low maintenance and cost value. The articles I've looked at are focused on keratin treatments and specifically done by a BH-based technician named Elysee using the YUMI formula. The keratin treatments argues that they have no parabens or ammonia products, which make them friendlier and safer. The three brands that are "safer" are YUMI, Elleebana (MSDS), and LVL. This blog talks about how these three are basically identical, just marketed in different countries.

Some articles about good lash lift things.
Byrdie
Vogue
possible dangers
And a read on lash serums

Overly emotional, particularly on the low/down side.

Weekly Gems

Some of my weekly musings:

[to READ]: Control Your Life. | Untouchable Day.
[to WATCH]: Saw Upgraded when I went home, I think it has a good plot that makes you think about biotech implant/AI ethics.
[to LISTEN]: Navara, Op. 33 | Sarasate

I started reading an ebook since I wanted to make most use out of the tablet. I'm reading Maddie Dawson's Matchmaking for Beginners, I didn't think much of the book when I downloaded it, but after reading it for a short hour on the plane I got totally sucked into it. Recently, I have been visiting the doctor every week for the past three weeks already, seems a little sad but also reassuring at the same time. I got my first physical ever today which felt totally invasive, and they gave me a (my long overdue) tdap shot. All health related things seem to move so fast ever since I started seeing my physician here, I haven't had a primary care physician since I was probably an infant. It feels overwhelming to have to make so many (big) decisions so fast. I'm still practicing meditating with Headspace, probably not as religiously as I'd prefer but it really helps calm my anxiety. I have scheduled a(nother) appointment to establish mental wellness care. We will see where that takes me.

Bad things recently:
-I have missed one whole night of pages because I was having a breakdown and I didn't think properly about how if I ran a requalifying sample, I would have to monitor it until it finished. Result? My engineer freaked out, probably got mad, and thinks I am really irresponsible. After telling them I would work on not doing it again, I did it again later that night because I didn't think that I would have to follow up a lot to make sure it passes. Why? I don't know. I'm not in a wonderful state of mind.
-I feel that I have been very explosive with my train of thoughts, projecting my unidentifiable source of anger and anxiety onto my personal relationship. Result? Self destruction of my relationship done by my own self, what's new?
-OL drama w Trev

Good things:
-This should be filed under materialistic things, but Peter and I got tickets to go to Outsidelands again this year! Except this year we are only going for one day. I'm very excited since it will be on my birth day!
-Nothing much. A lot of family drama that I don't wish to be a part of.
-Ok, I shouldn't be so negative because that is what I'm working on. Here's one thing: I've cut shopping down for a bit and my bills are set to auto pay so I'm not freaking out about that as much anymore.

Journaling

Not sure if anyone still reads or follows this blog. But I am thankful for its existence because it creates a safe space for me to journal my thoughts, happenings, and emotions. Even if they're just pointless rambling.

I read an article the other day about gratitude journaling. I feel that it would be beneficial to start gratitude journaling, but it would be hard to be able to contribute and stick to it daily especially when I'm having my low days (I have been diagnosed with moderate depression...shocker much?). This blog lets me have a space where I do not feel pressured to contribute to, let alone documenting positive thoughts. I feel that having to post positive thoughts lead to faking at the end.

Every morning

Besides scrambling out of bed to get to work on time and making sure I get some sort of breakfast (lately it's been oatmeal), I have been working on incorporating a small meditating time. By the time I get a moment to do this, it is usually at work. My routine goes as follows:

a tea- matcha or earl grey, sencha green and english breakfast are too sharp for this process
peony hand creme
Headspace app

I normally choose the 5 minute version since I am at work and closing my eyes for more than that seems a little weird to passerbyers. From the small amount of times I've used Headspace I've come to realize that meditation for me isn't as much of learning to be "comfortable" with myself, as many  suggests meditation to be. For me, meditation is just being at peace and being able to keep my anxiety in control.

The app is really beautiful and the man who leads the meditations has a really calming voice, both which I appreciate. I would highly recommend this to anyone looking for a meditation app.

Memorial Weekend

Weekly reads:
I'm all about healthy eaint and online publications this week.
·Model diet
·a VS breakfast
·Brain food.
·and some articles from Brain Behavior & Immunity. I think I'm going to make it a goal to read (at least) one journal a day.

Weekly goals:
·Continue daily workout
·Decide on one sofa (upstairs or downstairs ok)
·Work on punctuality
·Get back into learning French.

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T gave me his Fire HD 8. Looking for any cool how-to, hacks, tips, wallpapers, etc for the tablet.

Saw Bon Iver last week at the Arlene Schnitzer Hall (second time, first time at the Bowl ♥). I feel that he his vocal skills have improved...NOT that he was lacking or bad previously, but you can definitely hear maturity of the techniques. Went to Marin for the weekend; it was beautiful and the weather was just perfect. Mostly overcast, not too cold, and a splash of sunshine from time to time. We went kayaking, on small hikes, watched Solo (Starwars) on one of the night, visited Stinson Beach, and took trips to the ice cream shop. When we traveled through SF, I honestly thought it wouldn't be bad to live/work there for a while in the future. But when I traveled down the west part of the city going to the airport on the last day, I was reminded how filthy the rest of the city is...a dusty worn down trashpile. Besides the golden gate park, FinDi, North Beach, endless food options, and Karl (the Fog) looming over the city, I think I still prefer LA to SF. And having moved up to Portland now, it's so much prettier, nicer, not-as-dirty/cleaner, and nature-y than SF/LA.

I worked yesterday (Monday) even though most of the employees had the day off, since I took Friday off. I thought I would dread being alone at work without friends, having the cafe closed and all the drinks/fruits taken away, but it was surprisingly blissful and I didn't have any desire to leave work early. I did take a longer lunch break to grab a salad and soup off-campus and get my nails done.

Btw Deadpool 2 is great, I liked the first one as well...

"...my own personal anxiety acted as the driver of my wellness journey..."

"...If I could give any advice for someone just starting out, what would it be? It took my own journey to understand: What works for someone else may not work for you. I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to fit myself into the latest crazes that, in the end, simply were not for me. Group classes, keto diets, many forms of meditation, and green juices don't work for me. Waking up at 4:30 a.m. every morning to swim, bike, or run and eating a high-calorie, nutrient-dense macro-focused diet is something I can get down with. Alas, training for two to three hours a day is my journey and it works for me. If you ever find yourself whining about not wanting to do a specific exercise or participate in x-y-z wellness fad, just don't do it. Course correct. Find what motivates you to get moving."

-NL.




I can relate. Thanks Nicole.

Weekly Gems

Gems because they're precious in some way, shape, or form.
Some of my weekly musings:

[to READ]: This is a good read. I think even though most of us are out of school, but these are good guidelines for if you're still pursuing your academic career and if not then they're great guidelines to stick to even in your professional career.
[to WATCH]: Ghibli's Porco Rosso
[to LISTEN]: Please Don't Leave | Free n Losh
(these last two are for my personal self improvement..)
[to DO]: Continue learning French!
[to THINK ABOUT]: how to better take care of plants, when I will make that NYC visit, and if/when I should start on GMAT prep...

I guess I'll make these like a few times a month, at least once if anything. That is, if I remember to come back to this blog. I finally have a primary care physician (yay!). But that makes everything negative more official than just assuming before.

Weekend

Spending the weekend catching up with [old] friends over Israeli food, getting late brunch, browsing used/vintage books on Hawthorne, watching a Wes Anderson film at an 20's indie theater, making dinner at home on a Saturday night, browsing a 1910-built house in downtown, and cuddling a rainy day away isn't a bad way to do it...

The rest of 17

Oh yeah, Outsidelands was wonderful. Also fell in love with Marin.



But Italy was even better...




I got a job in retail coffee when summer began, so that was fun for a bit.
And then I quit that to take an offer at my dream semiconductor job/company.
Went through the headache of becoming a homeowner (yay?), but feeling blessed nonetheless.
And here we are...

-i

The thrill of knowing how alone we are...

now playing: creature comfort | arcade fire

It has been so long since the last time I wrote on here, so much has changed.
I am learning how to be alone, myself being away from myself.
There is a certain feeling of satisfaction with being alone and dissociating though.
like people watching in a house alone, except there are no people around or outside.
and enjoying a few hours without connection to the virtual world or any other humans.

There are a good number of things to explore and see out here.
a few parks, a number of coffee shops, a stroll downtown, a drive down southwest.
houses to fantasize about. music to discover. even new shows on Netflix to discover.

I love my company but I am unsatisfied with my job...
As usual, unrealistic expectations from the opposite sex trouble me and cross too many boundaries.
I miss my friends, I miss the beach.
Thank god spring has come and waking up means purple peach dawn skies, otherwise I've been waking up, leaving the house, and leaving work in the dark.

-i