Side Effects

I read somewhere that there's a difference between tears of joy and tears of rage. Is that true? It's in the chemistry, but you can't tell by looking, they all just look like tears.

Standing Up For You & Other Feminist Things

Just like that I turned a film critique studying schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, and gender-identification into a paper on feminism and the 'male gaze' and other shitty manipulative patriarchy rule...

Okay.

I need a job so badly.
Just buying pressed juice....and food is making me go broke.
:\

It's hard trying to super-human it all
you know?

Tryna two time this

1) successful student with a perfect....
internship, list of grades, student-teacher relationship, gym-attending record, networking pool, student-counselor relationship, campus involvement record, time management skills, record of using school resources...thing
2) inspirational, artistically diverse, and talented person with...
time to shoot  draft and market my stuff, perfect and unique outfit coordination, time to experiment with film more and digital format editing, time to trend scout and forecast, pursue my passions, time to find amazing tunes, practice music, study areas that I have passion in and for, go back to competitive swimming, get back into dancing..thing

But I just end up extremely over-worked, tired, unhealthy and unaccomplished.

DEADLINES

I AM SO BEHIND WITH RESUME WRITING, DEADLINES, PODCASTS, READING ASSIGNMENTS, HOMEWORK, PAPERS, WORKING OUT, BLOGGING, MARKETING IDEAS, AND STUDYING.
WHAT IS GOING ON.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME AND AT THE SAME TIME NOTHING IS GETTING DONE.

UGH I AM SO FRUSTRATING WITH MY SITUATION RIGHT NOW.
AND HOW DO I HAVE 550 PHOTOS ON MY INSTAGRAM ALREADY. #socialmediatidinessfreak

I'm also really frustrated about my pink earphones being broken on one side, which means I have to bring my white ones. So much for a backup pair.

On the bright side- I downloaded a few management apps that I really like. Something that made me slap myself back awake and to reality is that one of the apps provide the background info on the developer of the certain program I 'commit to' and their info was that they are "a entrepreneur / software engineer / Standford graduate /  olympic weightlifter / marathon-er" and.....that just made me realize how minor my problems are compared to what they've accomplished already. If they can do that, I should be able to prioritize efficiently and do what I need to do. Also, I've been happy with the traffic coming into Style Prosciutto despite how slow posting has been. UGHHSDLFKJDS:KFJSDLFds okay. back to work.

Home is where your heart is set in stone

mood: nostalgic

Gabrielle darling, you bring me back to 10th grade,
...being in humanities with foreign yet intimate faces, and being in classes with my bestie, sketching dreams out and talking about living in LA, taking photos of each other like we were all that, myspace, trains, buzznet and hannabeth and audrey kitching, gloomy bear, and lots of UK/brighton influenced fashion, having fringes, and wearing tights and leather moto jackets...ahh and remember kaylee? yeah I wonder where she is now, we used to chat via msn, I'd wake up early because of the time difference on the other side of the world, and I'd write "becos" and "mum" and other silly british accents because I thought I could escape reality like that...
but resurfacing your music, is good, because I guess it brings me peace and serenity.
A part of me wants to go back and be the beautiful yet slightly deranged person i was before the real world got a hold of me and made me work only to survive.
Gabrielle bring me back to when I believed that I could live in dreams and pass my days as an artist, musician, dancer, wanderlust-ee, and a culture connoisseur.

Back to when I lived in dreams and self-faith, disregarding what anyone thought of me.
Ha oh I wish I had the same mentality.

Paranoid

paranoid so I use the red pens from Target
paranoid so I have the adorable fresh&easy rubber key tag on my keys
paranoid so I keep my JCrew clothes extra neat
paranoid so I ... so I ... try not to fight with anyone.

I was always trying

-i

Keeping Up

now playing: Black Swan (film)

Went to exercise today, and got dinner early and showered.
Time to watch Black Swan and do the first draft of my paper.

Got in contact with a few recruiters, hopefully I get good outcome.
I still need to submit my main app though. Ugh, but I'm so behind with school work, so I guess that comes first.

So jealous of everyone at Coachella this past weekend, and I guess I will be again next for weekend 2.
Oh well, what can I do.

-i