Side Effects pt 2

Imagine everything you ever wanted shows up one day and calls itself your life. And then just when you start to believe in it - gone. And suddenly it gets very hard to imagine a future. That's depression, right?

Today in class some guys told me that when they first met/saw me they thought that I seemed really cold/intimidating/mean/entitled and that I seemed like I had my shit together and was always really serious, until they got to know me better then found out I'm actually "really chill and nice". They even on further went to mention that I have the same vibes as one of the meanest chem professors we have on campus. Entertaining.

It amuses me, to hear that, a little. Who would've ever known I'd turn into someone that went from looking like "Nice Girl" to "Killer Girl". I guess that's what stress and messing around (and realizing that there's no more time for fun) too much does to you. It's like they say- "...there's a difference between tears of joy and tears of rage. Is that true? It's in the chemistry, but you can't tell by looking, they all just look like tears....". I guess your emotional state can really change your physical state.

(Just watch the first one)
Guys like Jimmy Fallon, Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon Levitt- soft and goofy ♥ unf
But really, Jimmy Fallon is so funny I love it xD

Remember Me

"You once told me, our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. Is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?”

Having another fucked up day.

I feel like I've lost everything within the span of one week.
First came the looks.
Then the 'suggestion',
and now the ever so typical silence.

You're killing me.
Are you mad at me?
Am I being replaced?

Fuck man, what did I do wrong?
Are there no second chances?

Weekend

Saturday: Taught 12 sessions of boy scouts about energy waste from 9-4.
I can't stop thinking about vampire energy now, and I definitely respect high school teachers that have to teach the same subjects 6 times a day because it does get 'tiring' because you just keep repeating the same thing to new groups of kids, which means that you have to revamp your energy every period because the new group of kids deserve the same enthusiasm that the first group of kids received.


You also can't see me because there's too many people but- yay! :)
(and then I went to work after that until 7). hashtag- GG/tired

Sunday: Ate a 2 hour brunch by myself at the dining hall and saw Alec there, relaxed for too long, got boba, watched Fast and Furious 7 with D/V/T/T.
-i

The Real Hardstyle

now playing: playlists on 8tracks
mood: disheveled, but in the process of organizing

I am on the nmr reservation page, and I noticed that David's got raman from 1130pm-330am tonight. And because the space before mine was blank, someone decided to reserve 5-630am. Dang. Engineers go hard.


My day tomorrow:
Mijn dag van morgen:
Ma journée de demain:
私の一日は明:
5.45 Wake up
6.30 Off to raman
8.30 Breakfast/coffee run with Ari & others
9.00 Group meeting
10.30 Start growth
14.00 Growth 2
19.00 Training and lesson plan
After that: Back to my apt so I can get ready for Saturday's long day.

Maybe someday
You'll be somewhere
Talking to me
As if you knew me
Saying I'll be home for next year, darling.
-i

Elevated, I'm on new ground, at a different height.
You're holding me, gently around my waist; you think I will hurt myself.
Slowly the wind picks up and my hair flies.

You're still holding my hand.
Slowly I let go, and I fly.
Looking back, you're still grinning at me. Thank you

Always Running for the Thrill of it

Today I joined a 4 hour Skype conference call with GWU and Stanford.
During the video conference, I got an email notifying I got the scholarship and internship I applied for two months ago. (yay!) An hour later, in the middle of class, I got a flood of notifications from my colleagues/co-workers telling me to check my email and spam 'CONGRATS' into my texting applications with the sudden interruption from my professor asking me to tell the class the correct answer to the homework sets. All good and happy things. I've been really happy at school. One of my colleagues got into graduate school, three of our people got a super prestigious science award/funding (16,000 applied, 2,000 awarded in the USA, 10 awarded to our school, and out of that 10 we had 3), and another paper of ours got approved to be published. I am scheduled to work 17 hours a week, but I've been working 7 hours overtime- I don't even mind! I feel as if I've found a new group of people I can click in with. But sometimes I'll look back at everyone I've left behind and it makes me sad. Are y'all well? How are you? What's going on, what's happening?

Someone told me something the other day when I couldn't stop whining about the past: "It simply meant that our...[past]...just couldn't keep up with us". It's such an asshole way to put it, but 100% on point. I guess in a way, I couldn't keep up with some of my past, and in other ways my past couldn't keep up with me.

Today, for the first time, I had also the thoughts of dropping my ballet class because it has been heavily interfering with one of my biggest commitments.